ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
