you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
