Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
