i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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