Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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