Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
