The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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