I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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