We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
