i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
