I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
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I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
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"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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