did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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