I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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