last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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