i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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