I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
