The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am available for nakedness
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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