you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
