i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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