My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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