My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
