dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
