i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
