just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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