the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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