made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
