I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
