i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
