and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
