On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
