he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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