Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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