Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
