It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
