I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
