The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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