roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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