My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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