ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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