I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's just like the Real World with babies
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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