found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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