Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
