I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
