Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
