Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
