You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
