I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
