bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
