omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
