I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
