I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
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I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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