So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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