If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
