Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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