ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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