I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
