i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize