12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Your cock deserves a montage
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
