She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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