Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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