I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
