Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
