Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
