if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So vagazzling was a success
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
