in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
