3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
