it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
