I just pynch a tree in the face
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
