We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
