I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
