I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
