i just had sex bonerless
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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