Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
