You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
