I cockslap morals
im about as happy as oj after his trial
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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