i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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